This Blog is designed to support a Podcast series in which Chris Smith (Shamblesguru) talks with Dr Stephen Whitehead about his next book "The Relationship Manifesto".

"This book is unique and awakening, but it is also honest and candid about love, sex, romance and relationships in the modern age. We still yearn for a traditional partnership, but the fact is we are no longer living in a traditional world.
Not only are our lives different, our expectations of what life has to offer us are vastly different from previous generations. At the same time our quest for love remains as constant as it always has."

We will dedicate each podcast conversation to each of the twelve manifesto "points"

"These 12 points not only challenge some of the myths of love, but also offer alternative suggestions, unconventional ways to be in a relationship.  Each point also includes practical advice on how to live a different type of relationship; a fulfilling, honest, open and transparent relationship built on trust and mutuality, not illusion and unrealistic expectation." 

For more information about Stephen use the link at the top of the page.

You are able to subscribe to this Podcast series in the Apple iTunes store at
http://itunes.apple.com/th/podcast/the-relationship-manifesto/id426365277 
a new episode will be posted each weekend 

We invite you to become part of this conversation by using 'comments' under each blog post.

"Every aspect of The Relationship Manifesto combines to achieve one aim; to help each of us acquire and hold on to a relationship that is equipped to handle 21^st century lifestyles and realities; thereby ensuring our relationships are not only satisfying, but last for as long as they need to. To help illustrate the points being made the book draws on real-life (anonymised) case studies from around the world."

1. Why relationships fail
2. Your soulmates are waiting
3. Not all relationships are about love
4. Love is not what you imagine
5. The three identities in every relationship
6. Who is ‘The One’ in your life?
7. What is your problem with sex?
8. Women have changed, have you?
9. Always be honest, especially when you don’t want to be
10. Silence is golden - sometimes
11. Why do you have to be perfect?
12. Being single is a stroll, relationships are a trek

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In this first Podcast of the series, Chris interviews Stephen about his own background, marriages, relationships and some of the ideas which emerge in The Relationship Manifesto.

Stephen makes the point that we are living in a very different era to the past; the world has changed, people have changed with it; unfortunately the myths of love have not.
Today, a typical long-term relationship lasts about 10 years, maybe 20. But we are embarking on our sexual adventures in our early teens and can realistically expect to live at least until our mid-80s.
Consequently, the idea of one partner, over a lifetime, just doesn't hold up any more. Few, if any of us, actually have this experience. Indeed, it is much more likely that we will have dozens of partners. So, we need a new way of looking at love, sex and romance.

This first interview gives a taster of what is to come.

In this second conversation of the series, Chris talks to Stephen about Chapter 1; 'Why Relationships Fail'. 

As Stephen says, the reason most relationships fail is "because they go on too long". The couple have moved on, but not together. Such situations are common - the couple reach a crossroads in their life but go off in different directions, often without realising it at the time. 

The reality is that the vast majority of relationships last much less than 10 years, including marriages. So Stephen's suggestion is for what he calls a 'relationship break' at the 10 year stage. His point is that this is not designed to break up the relationship but to help ensure longevity. Relationships that have a 10 year 'break point' built into them are not taken for granted. 

Each person in the relationship knows that they can legitimately quit at 10 years, or they can 'sign up' for a further 10 years if they both agree to. Stephen's argument is that this knowledge will make the couple work harder at keeping it going. What they cannot do is take the relationship, or each other, for granted. 

The only people who will be really unhappy at this proposal will be the divorce lawyers.

'Your Soulmates are Waiting'. Yes, they really are. And not just one soulmate.

This third interview of the series explores Stephen's belief that we all have a soulmate in our lives - these are profound loves, much deeper and more important than usual love relationships. Maybe they are souls from a past life? Who knows? But certainly they are people who come into our life at a particular time, and for the better.

As Stephen says, all the ideals of romantic love are based around one notion: that there is one real soulmate out there waiting for each of us. Stephen doesn't disagree, but he makes the point that most of us nowadays will find more than one soulmate. So don't assume if you are in your 20s or 30s you have already met him or her.

There could be another one waiting for you when you are 50 or 60. So do these soulmates stay with us all our life? Not necessarily - well, not necessarily as sexual partners.They usually come into our lives for a period of time and then move on.

Again, this emphasises a key theme of the Relationship Manifesto, which is that our lives are unpredictable, always changing, and that our relationships are constantly changing, evolving also.

So don't go looking for Happy Ever After with the first person you fall in love with.

If you want Happy Ever After go watch a Walt Disney Movie. 

Not All Relationships Are About Love. How can that be?

Surely all relationships are about love? Well, not exactly.

As Stephen explains in this fourth interview, there are different types of relationships and distinguishing and understanding the main types is important to recognising not only the sort of relationship we are in, but also which type of relationship we might be looking for.

Stephen reveals the five main relationships types: The Peripheral; The Draining; The Soulmate; The Functional; and The Formative.

Which relationship have you got? Find out by listening to this podcast.

You might be surprised at the answer!

"Love, the most overused and abused word in the English language...but also the most powerful". This quote from Stephen's fifth interview titled 'Love is not what you imagine', gives a flavour of the discussion.

Love is highly complex, often impossible to fathom, but can also be an illusion.

As Stephen goes on to reveal, too often we 'fall in love' without actually knowing the person we have fallen in love with. Then there is 'false love', which is more about us projecting our needs onto another in the hope and expectation they will bring us the inner fulfillment we so earnestly seek.

Lots of interesting discussion between Chris and Stephen in this interview.
Hope you find it enlightening!

In this podcast, Stephen explains that there are, in fact, three identities in every relationship. There is you, your partner, and the relationship itself.

As Stephen puts it "We have to appreciate that we and our partner, and all the other aspects of our being together, for example, home, work, family, combine to make up the third, arguably most important identity which is that of the relationship.

And relationships change, just like we ourselves do." So we have to protect our own identity in any relationship, but we also have to protect the relationship itself.

Stephen goes on to explain how to go about this; the key elements being mutuality, trust, negotiation, openness and calmness.

Who is the 'One in Your Life?

Well, surprisingly perhaps, this podcast reveals that it is not your partner or any other lover, it is you. Stephen explains that the most important aspect of a love relationship is, yes, love. But not love for the other but love for oneself. Only by loving ourselves, being comfortable in who we are and have become, so can we give love to another person.

Ultimately, there is no one else. There is no other person out there who can replace you or who can give you love if you don't love and value yourself.

In this interview with Stephen, Chris raises questions about children and parenting, and gets some very surprising and unexpected opinions from Stephen on the modern parenting role. 

Despite the highly sexualised culture that now envelopes us, sex remains the dirty secret. It continues to be one of the most powerful and important of all human activities, but also the one most likely to be surrounded by dysfunctionality, secrecy, lies, guilt, shame and mystery.

In this very frank and candid podcast, Stephen unwraps the sex issue at the heart of modern relationships. He talks about sex work, gay marriages, monogamy, fidelity, sexual experimentation, open relationships, and the difficulty we all have when it comes to being open and honest with our lovers about our sexual needs and desires.

With marriage now appearing to be in almost terminal decline across the developed world, and sex issues being one of the key reasons why couples split up, this insightful podcast on sex and sexuality could not be more timely.